How to talk politics at the dinner table (and not end up in a food fight)

Are you girding your loins in preparation for an awkward family dinner with that one argumentative cousin or your wacky, conspiracy theory uncle? Talking politics at the dinner table is not for the faint of heart, but here are some quick tips to help you keep your sanity, maybe learn something, and leave the evening unscathed. Mostly.

1. Keep it IRL. Don’t move the conversation to text, chat, WhatsApp, or Signal. A serious conversation needs nonverbal cues to really give a full understanding of what someone else is saying. Texting can lead to typos, misunderstood emojis, and then the next thing you know, Aunt Betty isn’t coming to Christmas anymore. And on a related note: if the wine is flowing during dinner, maybe find a better time to talk about politics altogether. 
2. Acknowledge different values. Not everyone is coming to the table with the same frame of reference or life experiences as you – even if it’s a sibling or parent! Your sister may have experienced a traumatic health episode that influences how she looks at healthcare. It’s helpful to acknowledge why someone thinks the way they do and learn what they really value. 
3. Be curious. If you’re unsure why your loved one is taking the stance they’re taking, ask questions. Not in a pointed way, or so you can respond with a quick “gotcha”, but to understand better where they are coming from. What makes them feel that way? Why is that issue a priority for them? What are the underlying concerns or goals that would motivate them to take that stance? Be nonjudgmental in your questioning. 
4. Find points of agreement. Acknowledge places where you agree, even if it’s on the little things. This can reinforce commonality and lower the heat in what could be a contentious discussion, even as you pivot to another point or question. No one wants to be made to feel that their opinions or values are being disrespected. Subtle head nodding or “I agree, but what about” can be effective in making someone feel heard while still moving the discussion forward. 
5. What’s the endgame? If your goal is to get your dad to agree with you, you’re likely going to be out of luck and he’s going to dig in on his position. But if you enter the discussion trying to learn and understand where he’s coming from, you may help him think through his ideas more fully and he may come to a different conclusion on his own. (Though be prepared for him to not budge an inch, too. It’s less frustrating that way.)

Sources:  

• The Good Trade blog
• The Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute